Math Humor!

This post includes a few mathematically humorous jokes and sayings that any mathematician can appreciate! The jokes contain something essential about mathematics and the mathematical way of thinking.

 Enjoy!

Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt!!


Q: What do you call a mathematician's bird that won't eat?
                            A: A poly "no meal"


Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any ε > 0"


Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!


Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: 'If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'


In some alley, a function meets up with a differential operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm ex..."
"Too bad... I'm d/dy."


Top ten excuses for not doing homework:
I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
It was Isaac Newton's birthday.
I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
I couldn't figure out whether I am the square root of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.


Salary Theorem: The less you know, the more you make.
Fact #1: Knowledge is Power
Fact #2: Time is Money
We know that: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done


Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A2: None. A mathematician can't screw in a light bulb, but he can easily prove the work can be done.
A3: One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby reducing the problem to the already solved
A4: The answer is intuitively obvious


Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A: Because you can't drink and derive...

A Slice Of Pi

******************

3.14159265358979

1640628620899

23172535940

881097566

5432664

09171

036

5

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality.
A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.
A mathematician doesn't care.


Did you hear about the teacher who was arrested trying to board an airplane with a compass, a protractor and a calculator?

He was charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.


Pick up lines:
1. Honey, you're sweeter than 3.14
2. I'm not trying to be obtuse, but you're acute girl.
3. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
4. I'll love you from here to infinity
5. You fascinate me more then the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
6. Are you a differential function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!
7. I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you aren't with me.